Recalling Josephine

In the space of 5 minutes Josephine Wiltshire, my 82 year old mother-in-law, was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 3 months to live. Rather than panic or grieve, Josie immediately began making plans to ensure she didn't waste a second. Her primary concern was to ensure she passed in her home and not in what she saw as an antiseptic mausoleum. With her sons, daughters and their spouses living in the general vicinity, it was relatively easy for our respective families to make the required arrangements.

My wife had a nursing background and I had built up some extra vacation time. We arranged for daily visits by a public health worker and twice weekly visits by her doctor. We worked out a shift schedule with the family, with each couple taking 12 hour shifts caring for Josie.

As time passed we began to fall into something of a routine. Josie did everything in her limited power to make things as pleasant as possible, despite the scenario. She asked us to "keep the conversation light" and not to be "morbid". For the most part, we were able to comply. Once the ongoing days and nights established their rhythm a certain normalcy was established, despite the tragic circumstances.

I pitched in by doing the laundry and a good share of the cooking and cleaning. I also spent time serenading Josie as she loved the guitar. She wasn't nearly as enamored with my vocal efforts, a fact she was only too happy to impart. Eventually, I stayed with the instrumentals pretty much exclusively.

Because Josie was as close to me as my own mother had been, I considered the opportunity to look after her a privilege, particularly since she'd spent the majority of her life looking after us. My one insistence was that I not be present when she actually died as I was certain I couldn't handle it. You can probably guess what happened next, but here it comes anyway.

My wife and her sister hadn't been out of the house for days. Josie had been sleeping a lot by this point, so I suggested they take a quick run to the mall, maybe grab lunch or do a little shopping. After much coaxing, they agreed.

I was sitting with Josie when I was suddenly overwhelmed with a need to play a song for her. It took mere seconds to retrieve my guitar from the next room but when I returned, Josie's eyes were closed and her breathing was labored. I held her hand until her breathing slowed then ceased and eventually, her heart stopped as well. The moment I'd dreaded my entire life was upon me.

Over time my faith had strengthened and my fear of death had eased, but only slightly, then I witnessed the sublime grace with which this beloved woman slipped away. Incredibly, I was overcome with a rush of love, peace and relief I never knew existed. Any fear of death I'd been harboring disappeared and truthfully, it's never returned.

In the end, Josie managed to present me with one last, profound gift; an opportunity to witness a rare glimpse of life, albeit at its cessation. If there was any way to ease the finality of her last moments, I should have known Josie would find it.