My Dad and the "Ef Bomb"




When I was in my pre-teens my friends and I always often had a game of tackle football directly across the road from my house. The action was hard core, we had no pads or helmets but no-one cared. As a result of this intensity, the air was often rife with very loud, extremely crude cussing.

One Sunday afternoon I was mowed down by a block from behind and as per custom, I jumped up and unleashed a venomous string of obcenities at the cretin who dared to perform this henious act.

About mid bellow I noticed my Dad, leaning on his rake, watching and listening from our front yard. 

We kept playing for a time afterward and at game's end my Dad motionrd me over. As I recall, our conversation went something like this.

Dad: "You guys play really well. I wouldn't be surprised if you all make your high school teams when the time comes."

Me: "Thanks!"

Dad: "One thing I didn't like was all the swearing, particularly the 'f-word'. Tell me, have you ever heard me use it?"

Me: "Uh...no."

Dad: "Well I have, three times. Because I use it so seldom, no-one expects it but when I do use it, people listen. It's a great word but if you use it constantly, it loses all impact."

Me: "I'd never thought of it like that."

I've tried to remember Dad's lesson but sadly, I fail more often than I'd like. I did pass my Dad's advice along to my son James, and I'm pleased to report he's done a much better job of following it than I ever did. 

Good on him I say. 

"Moot? What The Hell Is A Moot?!?"

I'm not a fan of newspaper obituaries but I was stopped in my tracks by one last week. While looking for the daily crossword puzzle, I spotted a photo of a friend and former colleague on the obituary page.

Gary Lakusta was my Area Manager at TELUS in the late 90's, though I certainly noticed him before that. He was the very picture of a "sharped dressed man"; custom tailored suits, immaculate shirts and ties, polished shoes; the whole gamut. His professional appearance went beyond the surface. I rarely saw him without a smile, a  listening ear and a handshake at the ready.

Like many of my coworkers, I initially thought Gary was too good to be true. Nobody was that  good looking, that well groomed and happy to boot. Over time it became apparent we were wrong. 

A position opened in Gary's area. The job looked very interesting so I applied for it and he took me on. Within a few days I realized Gary was as genuine as they come. He really was the consummate professional. What I couldn't see initially was his hidden inner wackiness. 

We were making a formal presentation to the TELUS Executive Board when a Senior VP questioned one of the steps in our proposal. "Well sir," replied Gary "that particular step shouldn't impact the provision of services. It's implementation, though necessary, is a mute point."

Everyone in the room immediately stared at him. Gary noticed but within seconds he pressed on. The remainder of the meeting while eventually successful, was uneventful.

As we entered the elevator Gary asked, "Why was everyone staring at me? Did I have something in my teeth? What the hell was that about?" 

"You said a certain point was 'mute' and the correct word is 'moot'. It just surprised everyone."

Gary stared at me and exclaimed, "MOOT? What the hell is a moot? C'mon! That's not a word! Is it?"

I burst out laughing and Gary laughed too, yet he remaind confused until I explained the difference between the two words. 

Gary repeated that story to just about anyone who'd listen for years afterwards because though it happened to him, he found it hilarious. That's the kind of man Gary was and that's why I admired him. He lived every moment to its fullest, even embarrassing moments at his own expense. 

I've not met a lot of others with that quality. Gary Lakusta was the real deal.